do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
