my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
