I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
