Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
