I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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