I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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