If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
