I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
