Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
