conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
