I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
