Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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