youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
