I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
