which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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