Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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