lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
