When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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