sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
