Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
