I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
