Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
