I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
