Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
