Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry about my life...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
