how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
