Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am mentally ready for anal.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
