1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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