He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
this is an emotional support booty call
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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