woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
