The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize