never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
