Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
