1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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