I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
