So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
