WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
