JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Your cock deserves a montage
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize