3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I will die if light touches me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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