Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
