sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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