i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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