Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize