I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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