Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
