We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
