That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
