i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
