i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
