Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
