I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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