i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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