Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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