Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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