Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
