Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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