you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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