I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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