Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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