What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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