Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
