Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
