Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
