their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
