Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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