i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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