How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
