she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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