Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
