so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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